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Martha Stuart's Excruciatingly Perfect Weddings
Best. Parody. Ever.





Saturday, May 25, 2002

Sara: Getcher Wedding Porn here!

I can't help looking at my server logs; it's a silly habit, kind of like Vanity Surfing, aka doing a google search on your own name, or the names of your friends, to see where they're referenced online. Anyway, yesterday I had 7 hits from people who searched on Wedding Porn or Wedding Porn Photos. I have to believe they were disappointed. So, I ran the same search myself, and my site is several pages deep (mostly thanks to the recent article in Salon, One Ring to Rule Them All*, and various links to it), so whoever found my site waded through a lot of stuff to get here. Um, sorry there's no Hot Veil Action...?

*this is a pretty good article, and you may or may not be able to get to it if you're not a Salon subscriber. I have been a subscriber for a long time, and it's worth it! I also have a Blogger Pro membership, because there are some things on the net that are worth paying for! I suppose you even have to pay for wedding porn.

I've probably just moved up a page or so in the results for wedding porn. Great.

I run another site, sewgeeky.com, and I get some really weird results on that one, too. Some are just disturbing, in that they are searches for photos of little girls, and a lot of 'up skirt photo' and the like. Ewwwww.

Battlebots rocked. I wonder if we'll be on TV. I was wearing a green shirt with big irons printed all over it. It's from Peach Berserk and I love it. So, if you see me, wave!

San Francisco area brides won't want to miss this: Best Wedding Resources, from SF Weekly. Part of a reasonably satisfying Best of San Francisco. The bookbinding lessons are especially intriguing.
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Friday, May 24, 2002

Sara: Places to wander

Crafty Chica
eQuilter - check out the fun conversational prints. I want this for our kitchen curtains after I move into Dennis' place.
Jesus Doll - I recently had one of these at my house, because I did a bit of customization on the one the Rector at my church bought for the Sunday School. The doll is equal parts creepy and compelling. I can't decide how I feel about it, really, but I sort of miss having it around.

Tomorrow is the last day I'll see Leigh because she is off to Colorado for the summer as of Sunday. We're going to BattleBots! Whoo hoo!

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Thursday, May 23, 2002

Sara: Well, this is just depressing

Excite@Home bankruptcy auction

Yeah, it was kind of an evil and soulless company that couldn't make a decent business decision and I'm really happy that I don't work there anymore, but this is still sad. I mean, that's our pool table in the full-color brochure. It's kind of weird because while I was working there, really big huge mega changes were happening in my life, so I get nostalgic about the big comfy black leather chairs by the garage. It was an important time. I couldn't be where I am now without having been through all of it.
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Ryan: Yikes!

Here's something for And The Bride Wore:
Very Scary Wedding Dress

Well, at least she'll have something to do at the reception.
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Sara: How fun is this?

Book Crossing - I want to release books into the wild!

The Cake Porn book arrived today. I can't wait to give it to Leigh!
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Wednesday, May 22, 2002

Sara: More about the dress

The bodice pattern, as I mentioned, will be custom-drafted by Truly Victorian. At around $40, I think it's money well spent. Fitting makes me cranky, and getting the pattern made to my measurements should eliminate most of the required fussing. Here is the basic idea:

This bodice

with non-poufy sleeves like the top one, only elbow-length, and the square neckline of the bottom one.

The neckline is going to be square and wide, kind of like the upper-left pic on this page.

I'm making a separate bodice and skirt; I guess I didn't mention that before. The skirt pattern is Laughing Moon's 1890s skirt, with its matching petticoat, short (6") train version.

I really don't care about being authentically Victorian; this isn't a theme wedding at all. I just want a bodice that fits me, and I want my upper arms covered.

Super dooper pretty tiaras. I have no idea what I'll wear on my head. I'll probably make something with the same crystals that are on the bodice. Note to self: try to find cheap source for Swarovski crystals. Can I do better than General Bead?

Another wedding-dress-in-progress site! She's making her sister's dress, long distance! Very impressive!
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Dennis: The male counterpart steps in for a few words

In an on-going effort to make Sara the happiest girl in the world I finally braved logging into Blogger so I could participate in this virtual roundtable. Since she hasn't mentioned it yet I have a fairly large fear of technology. She's brought me a tad closer to the 21st Century with a gentle hand and understands I'll probably always be a closet luddite who's too fascinated by new ideas to resist the intra-net, cd burners and all the rest of the marvels of our age.

After my first trainwreck of a marriage (correction: 5-car-chemical-transporting-trainwreck-in-a-crowded-city center-marriage) I'm as surprised as anyone that I want to do this again. But she's that special and she's been able to reach parts of me I thought I wasn't ever going to share with anyone. And she makes me laugh (and not at her like some other folks who will remain nameless...) and she showers me with support & affection & care & more good things than there's room here to list. In short, I love her and I'm happy to intertwine my life with hers for the rest of my days.

I'm going with the tuxedo option for my own attire. Much as I think the bodice would flatter my chest...So I have to wonder how it is that the regalia for a bride has so outstripped that for the groom. Wouldn't it make some sense for the two to go hand in hand. What a curious species we are...
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Leigh: Ryan finally explained this blogger thing to me

So I had no idea what it meant when I got an e-mail from Sara inviting me to join Going Bridal (Dennis isn't the only luddite around here), but Ryan showed me how to do this, so here I am. I might even check in from time to time when I'm in Colorado. Ryan mentioned that the cake had flowers on it, but what she didn't mention is that the flowers bloomed out of the cake. Not a bad metaphor for a wedding, eh? I have an even more complicated blooming mechanism in mind that I think would be perfect for the wedding cake. Sara said that the cake couldn't bleed, erupt, explode, or ignite like so many of my previous culinary masterpieces, but I'm still hoping I can talk her into letting me make it blossom. I just don't see the point of making a cake that just sits there. What do you think, Sara?
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Sara: Yay, it's a party!

Dennis, I could whip up something fabulous for you to wear if you wanted me to. :)

Leigh, I would certainly not expect one of your cakes to just sit there! You know the parameters, the ones you just listed. Beyond that, it's up to your artistic interpretation. Wait 'til you see the Cakewalk book, though. I'd love to see flowers blooming out of those cakes!

Ryan brought me some of the cake from last weekend, and I think the sour cream chocolate chip flavor is fabulous and a definite Must Have.

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Tuesday, May 21, 2002

Sara: Actual wedding content

Yes, I do get around to talking about the wedding eventually.

This is as close to the dress I'm going to make as any other picture I've found. Except that the bodice will be sage green silk, and the skirt will be white, with a band of the sage fabric around the bottom. There will be a bunch of silver and gold embroidery and beading on the bodice, unless I never get around to starting it.

I'm going to work on my corset over the long weekend, which will be my first chance to start playing with the sage silk and all the pretty metallic threads I've collected. Might as well practice on something that won't be seen by everyone. The corset is the Dore model by Laughing Moon.

Once the corset is finished, Ryan gets to measure me in it, and then we'll send the numbers off to Truly Victorian who will custom-draft a bodice pattern for me.
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Ryan: The matron of horror finally arrives


Now that I finally accepted Sara's kind invitation to join goingbridal, I thought I ought to post something. As Sara mentioned, we just had our housewarming party (we missed you, Sara!), and Leigh used the opportunity to make a fabulous cake and test out some techniques for Sara's wedding. The links below are to Martha Stewart because she has good pictures. Please don't take this as recommendation to actually buy anything from her. Her prices never cease to amaze me.

Anyway, Leigh decorated the cake with a bouquet of edible flowers that she made from frosting and mounted on wire. They're similar to these flowers, except prettier and more colorful. Instructions on how to make them can be found in Colette's Cakes.

This was also the first cake contructed on a rotating cake stand. If you care about the shiny aluminum, you can pay Martha $46 for hers. Or you can find an old lazy susan at a garage sale and use that. If the edge is ugly, you can cover it up with frosting to match the cake, or you can tape some wrapping paper over it.
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Sara: Yay, I'm not just talking to myself now!

Hi, Ryan!

You probably can't say Lazy Susan anymore. I'm sure it's demeaning to people named Susan, who are by nature hardworking and industrious.

I can't believe anyone pays Martha $2.00 for a gum-paste bow. Even I could make that, and I have no game in the kitchen whatsoever.

Ryan and I are going to make a dress form after I finish my corset. This should be very entertaining, as it involves mummifying me in duct tape. See example here. Jon and Dennis will be banished from the house while this happens. They don't need to see that.

The obsessive bride's favorite Palm app - a countdown clock showing how long 'til the wedding, in days, hours, minutes and seconds. I'm sure it could be used for other things as well.
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Monday, May 20, 2002

Sara: Letting other people do the work for me

I'm not going to make a habit of stealing links from Not Martha (one of my favorite sites, btw), but I have to in this case. Surviving the Shower.

I still don't feel great. I'm going to attempt to go to work, though, since I do feel much more human today. I can stand up and everything. Maybe I'll just crank out the stuff that's gotta get done and then go home.
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Sara: May the force be with you. And also with you.

I've been looking for an audio book version of the Bible to listen to while I'm walking. Ok, I don't really walk, but I'm seriously planning to start doing so, in hopes that it will make my big white bridal butt a bit less expansive. Of course, the quality of an audio book depends almost entirely on who is reading it. So far, my choices are Gregory Peck or James Earl Jones. Not sure I can handle the latter one - between expecting every chapter to end with 'this is CNN' and having weird Darth Vader moments ("Jesus, I am your father....") I think I'd be distracted.

You can now download books from audible and burn them to CD. How cool is that? Maybe I'll actually listen to my This American Life backlog if I can take 'em with me in large quantities.

People who know me will not be surprised to learn that I put in a full day at work, despite feeling pretty lousy. Eddie made homemade chicken soup for me tonight. He claims that it has vast healing powers, and I hope he is right. It was certainly yummy. Eddie is single, by the way. Maybe we should have a Win-A-Date-With-Eddie contest here at goingbridal.com. (if nothing else, this is a great way to find out if my roommates actually read my website...)
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Sunday, May 19, 2002

Sara: Sicky

I'm sick. Grrrrr. I'm missing Ryan and Jon's housewarming party because I'm sick. Dennis and I went to the city yesterday to see The American Astronaut (run, don't walk!) at the Red Vic. We ran some errands afterwards, including the trip to Tower Books, and then I came home and pretty much fell face-first onto my bed. At some point, I woke up long enough to get undressed and under the covers. I slept straight through 'til this morning. I think it's the flu. My whole body hurts and I just want to sleep. I attempted to go to church this morning but on the way there I realized what a joke that idea was. I had altar guild duties today, so I went long enough to check in on that and then I went back home and fell asleep again. I'm really not good at being sick - it is hard for me to just give in to it. I keep thinking that I really could just get up and get on with my day. And then I try it and the room does that spinny thing and I realize that it's not gonna happen. Dennis went and got me juice and the Puffs with lotion in 'em and was very sweet to me. He's a keeper.

Today's wedding reading: Creative Wedding Florals You Can Make
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