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Saturday, December 21, 2002

Sara: This makes me laugh

coverPaint by Number Animals 2003 Calendar

I actually got this as part of the gift subscription offer from Readymade. My subscription was about to expire, so I sent the gift pack to Dennis. The T-shirt is quite lovely.

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Sara: Processed food

Yesterday, one of Dennis' presents arrived - a food processor I'd bought on eBay (I think it was an unwanted wedding gift, which seems appropriate somehow - the rest of the things on the seller's list all had that 'we can't return it' quality, and there was still a scrap of wrapping paper on the bottom of the box). He is doing a lot of cooking this weekend, so I decided to give it to him early. I'd had it shipped to me at work, so I went up the street to get some wrapping paper and a gigantic bow, wrapped the huge box, and waited for him to pick me up so I could give it to him. Please note that I generally get way more of a thrill from giving people gifts than they ultimately get from receiving them, which is probably pretty annoying overall.

He arrived and was getting ready to take over the church's kitchen to make his fabulous bruschetta for the Rector's Christmas party that evening, using his little mini-chopper. Bah! Mini chopper! So I suggested that he should unwrap the large box. He didn't want to. Apparently - and there is no research to back this up - I am always trying to get him to open his presents early. See note above about being extremely excited about giving presents. We went back and forth on this, I believe I engaged TurboPout, and eventually the wrapping came off the box. Fortunately, he was delighted with the gift and immediately started using it on the bruschetta. It totally rocks.

The party was fun, and the bruschetta was well-received. I don't drink very much these days, but I had 2 glasses of wine at the party and my face turned completely red. If Santa has fog issues again this year, he could call me and say, Sara, with your face so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight? And I'll say sure, but then point out that I tried to give Dennis directions that he didn't really need on the way home and this resulted in us taking the wrong exit. So maybe I'm not the most obvious choice.
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Friday, December 20, 2002

Sara: Glitter by the pound

Check out the craft supplies at Discount School Supplies. There's so much cool stuff on this site, and I've heard good stuff about the company. I also see the makings of some fun craft parties here. The Velcro Hat seems like it has vast possibilities.

Sorry, but if I think about the wedding right now, I think my head will explode. I am officially overwhelmed at the moment.
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Thursday, December 19, 2002

Sara: Homemade presents are so nice!

Instructions to make your own Thought Screen Helmet.

The thought screen helmet blocks telepathic communication between aliens and humans. Aliens cannot immobilize people wearing thought screens nor can they control their minds or communicate with them.

Results of the thought screen helmet exceeded expectations. Since January 2000 aliens have not taken any abductees while they were wearing thought screen helmets using Velostat shielding.

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Sara: The tragedy of dying shoes

Hey, anyone out there ever dyed their own shoes?

Background: I've now decided that I'm going to have the skirt on my dress be green instead of white. This is mostly because I have 15 yards of green silk, purchased for $3 a yard, and no yards of white silk, 6 of which would need to be purchased at around $18 a yard. Bah. I'll just make the skirt and the bodice out of the same green fabric, which will probably be more flattering to the shortish roundish bride than a two-toned dress anyway.

So, the shoes. I have white shoes, which would have been fine with the white skirt. I need green shoes if my dress is going to be green. They will have to be dyed. I found a useful article about dying pointe shoes, so obviously dancers do it all the time. I'm intrigued by the idea of using acrylic paints - I wonder if the fabric medium they have in the paint aisle at Michael's would make that project go any better.

My attempt to dye my corset laces didn't work out so well - they're way too blue - but I was kind of half-assed about the whole thing and didn't do a swatch because I made the mistake of doing it on a day when I wasn't feeling especially patient. Feh. Not like they're visible anyway. But, if I find a good method of shoe dying that scales to overgrown shoelaces, I'll probably get a new set of laces and try it again. I am that obsessive.
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Sara: Jack Frost nipping at your - hey, that's not your nose!

Ryan just sent me a link for Possum Fur Nipple Warmers.

For luxury in nipple warmers you shouldn't go past possum fur. You can wear the fur facing out for the novelty effect or for luxury pampering, place them inside your bra so that your nipples are engulfed in luxurious natural fur. See our possum fur g-string and have a matching eco-fur set.

Ideal for all you last-minute Christmas shoppers out there. Delight your grandmother with a set!

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Wednesday, December 18, 2002

Sara: Retreat!

Not much happening on the wedding front this week. Too absorbed in Christmas. We're seeing Two Towers tonight, yay. I'm really looking forward to this weekend. We have absolutely nothing going on Saturday or Sunday. Friday night is my office Christmas party, and then we're going home and locking the door and not re-emerging. Dennis is going to cook, I'm going to sew (probably start on the pirate costumes, but I have to get a few yaaaarrrds of fabric) and we're just not going to interact with the world if we can help it.
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Sara: Things I Learned Today, or why we walked out of Lord of the Rings

I learned that, if you see someone with a baby (maybe 9 months old - pre-walking but very active) sitting in the middle of the aisle at a sold-out evening show of The Two Towers on opening day, that person might very well be the kind of mother who will let her squealing baby bop your moviegoing companion on the head repeatedly, and will then respond rudely when it's suggested that this is uncool. Her other child will be a champion back-of-the-seat kicker/seat-fidgiter/whimperer, because taking a pre-schooler to an 8:00 movie keeps her up past bedtime, and Orcs are way scary. Both parents will be too engrossed in the movie to notice this behavior.

Ok, I'll come out and say it - what made me mad here was that the parents clearly felt that THEIR right to see the film on opening day trumped the right of everyone seated around their little romper room to enjoy it. This is bullshit. I'm not unsympathetic to the fact that parents need to get out of the house and see movies. But this thing is THREE HOURS long, and it's loud, and that baby on your lap isn't going to like it. So sit on the freakin' aisle so you can get up and take a walk in the lobby when there is fussiness. See an earlier show so that the older child will be less cranky, and choose the film with some care. There is a reason why kids' movies are 90 minutes long, and generally don't have big, realistic battle scenes with monsters in the first twenty minutes of the film. Oh, and don't expect the people around you to be charmed by the baby's antics when they get a sticky hand in their hair.

The 45 minutes I could stand to be in the theatre revealed that this is a glorious film, but every time I would get lost in it, there would be a loud bleating from behind me, or a foot to my back, and the spell would be broken. Can't wait to try to see it again. The theatre manager gave us passes to come back again later, since we couldn't move to different seats.

Here is my Jerry Springer-esque Final Thought:

Yes, I know the children are our future, and I am scared. What are these kids learning about appropriate behavior? What bold new levels of self-absorption can we expect from this up-n-coming generation? (and, to keep it moderately on-topic, what horrifying new crop of Bridezillas will we be dealing with in twenty years?)

I can't remember now which one of the saints said, "I am the only sinner, all others are Christ," but we're so far in the other direction, maybe it doesn't even matter. Now I am the only Emmanuel, the only God that is with us, and everyone else is a vile sinner in need of a good smiting. I want. I want. I want.

The fact that I went from zero to sixty on the baby thing and had to get myself the hell out of there is, of course, a cumulative thing. The distortions of the season are wearing on me, and I've started really noticing how little concern and care people have for one another. It's been coming at me from all directions, and I wonder if this is another veil about to fall. I've been fighting my own narcissism a lot lately, reminding myself that I don't have some kind of Get Out Of Being An Asshole Free card that magically renders my inability to do the dishes adorable. This concept that everyone else should just let me slide is so deeply embedded and so very very fucked up.
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Tuesday, December 17, 2002

Sara: Still thinking about shoes

I know I already posted a link to Zappos once, but I was on there again today looking at shoes (yes, I know I don't need any more shoes) and they still have a bunch of wedding shoes on sale. Having already bought wedding shoes, I'm breaking down and getting the Ecco monkstrap shoes that are 70% off. They're black...they're my favorite brand...they're cute...

Go to Zappos.com, click the On Sale tab, and then search on your size and 'white' and you'll see a bunch of cute bride shoes for at least half off. Search on 'black' and you'll be instantly tempted to buy new shoes.
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Sara: Extreme laziness

Links swiped from other people:

Decorating for Christmas in 1950's Style complete with diagrams of appealing furniture arrangements. Big help if you're not already feelin' festive.
Froogle a shopping search engine. Nice.

The thing I don't want for Christmas: Jesus and Elvis in heaven, painted on velvet.
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Monday, December 16, 2002

Sara: Saint Nicholas would kick you?

I [heart] David Sedaris. Here is a fine piece he wrote about Christmas in Holland, reprinted in Esquire. Oh, and Esquire wants you to know that it's great to be a man. In case you were wondering.

While eight flying reindeer are a hard pill to swallow, our Christmas story remains relatively simple. Santa lives with his wife in a remote polar village and spends one night a year traveling around the world. If you're bad, he leaves you coal. If you're good and live in America, he'll give you just about anything you want. We tell our children to be good and send them off to bed, where they lie awake, anticipating their great bounty. A Dutch parent has a decidedly hairier story to relate, telling his children, "Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things together before you go to bed. The former bishop from Turkey will be coming along with six to eight black men. They might put some candy in your shoes, they might stuff you in a sack and take you to Spain, or they might just pretend to kick you. We don't know for sure, but we want you to be prepared."

This piece is also in Me Talk Pretty One Day, which is an entirely brilliant book. I have just become aware of the existence of The David Sedaris Box Set, which is all of his audiobooks. If you've ever heard him on This American Life, you know that hearing him read his stuff is even funnier than reading it yourself. The only bad thing about Me Talk Pretty One Day is that it doesn't include the utterly hilarious Santaland Diaries. For that, you should get Holidays on Ice.
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Sunday, December 15, 2002

Sara: Battle: Sleeves

The sleeves and I are not getting along. New entry in the sewing journal. I also discovered that I'm going to have to raise the neckline a bit; I cut it according to the pattern, and well, that's just a whole lotta cleavage. Also the top of the corset is visible, which is not so good. Still, if I can get this sleeve issue worked out, I think I have a functional muslin.
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