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Martha Stuart's Excruciatingly Perfect Weddings
Best. Parody. Ever.





Saturday, January 04, 2003

Sara: I'm so naughty! So naughty I am!

I redecorated Dennis' web site for his birthday. Shhhh, it's a surprise! Everyone hide behind an HTML entity and jump out and yell SURPRISE when he goes there, ok?

[edited later - the site is back to normal, but you can see the preserved hijinks here!]
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Sara: Of course you can wear it again!

Fans of the Cavalcade of Bad Bridal Fashion will enjoy UglyDress.com, dedicated to bad bridesmaid dresses.
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Thursday, January 02, 2003

Sara: Flicks

Dennis has done his top movies of 2002 list.

You can't imagine how fabulous it is that he's starting up work on his screenplay Woodsman again. It's so good. I sometimes forget that I haven't actually seen this movie. It's that real after just reading the first half of it.
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Sara: Sabbath rules!

We're talking about sabbath at church this month. As soon as I can stop making heavy-metal hand gestures and screaming 'Saaaabbaatth' in my head, I think it's going to be a good thing. There is so little rest in my life.

This is from next Sunday's bulletin (see the benefits of knowing the chick in the office? Advance bulletin reading.)

We do not live to work. We work to live. Culture, meaning music, art, literature, etc., emerges when people are free to imagine, converse freely, and play.

Sabbath discipline prevents a society from falling into a trap of trying to find its meaning in work that is inherently meaningless. Life's meaning rises out of Sabbath time.

We first encounter the Sabbath notion in Genesis 1. On the seventh day of creation God rested. Sabbath claims human meaning rises out of rest, not work. Individuals who gather together periodically in covenant community to rest together with God perceive reality in a different way than individuals whose lives center around work, and have no other center than work.

One enters into relationships that have no other end than simply the opportunity to value one another. Blessings get identified, named and appreciated. Life pulses with festival, celebration and praise.

I really wish sometimes that they would stop smacking me with truth right when I need to hear it.
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Wednesday, January 01, 2003

Sara: New Morning

Good morning, everyone! Welcome to a new year. Feels different, doesn't it?

We had a great night. Getting into shows for free instead of paying $60 a ticket really makes a difference. There isn't any pressure to Get Your Money's Worth, so when we wanted to leave, we left. We took the train home (correction, the Freak Train - BART on New Year's Eve is, um, interesting) and Dennis made us scrambled eggs and we hung out for a while in our comfy clothes and then went to bed. It was perfect.

We're feeling great this morning. 2002 was all about transition...me being transfromed from dot-com drone-age to following my calling, Dennis being transformed into a Writer and not just someone who writes, and of course us building our home together. We've planted some good seeds and they're gonna start busting out soon.
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Tuesday, December 31, 2002

Sara: Hope glimmers a little

One more comment about the car: it gets great gas mileage. I've driven to or from work five times and am just barely under a quarter tank. The Mazda would've needed more than a full tank to do that.

Things are looking more hopeful on the wedding front. By harnessing the collective efforts of people from the parish, my friends, my family, and anyone who gets too close to my Bridal Orbit for the next four months, I think we're going to be able to pull this thing off. The food is going to be modified potluck; we're not asking everyone to bring something, but I'm going to swallow some of this stupid pride and ask some people to bring appetizers. Ryan has offered her freezer as a staging ground for stuff we can make ahead, so I'm going to start looking for yummy things that can be frozen and reheated.

It is entirely possible that I've worked myself into A State by being completely blind to the fact that people actually want to be involved in this thing. I've gotten really lone-wolf about it lately and that isn't good at all. I've been so afraid of turning into the kind of bridezilla who forces everyone around her to participate in her little pageant, but I think I've gone too far in the other direction, which is why I'm overwhelmed by the whole thing in addition to wondering how it's going to be paid for.

There are things I'm going to have to cut back on. The photographer may have to go, which means I'll lose my deposit, but not having to come up with the rest of their fee will really lower my anxiety level. That was the largest expense by far. Hopefully the photographer will be able to get another gig that day if I have to cancel. I hate messing with other people's livelihood this way.

I'm really hoping to be able to hold on to Hookslide. They can't re-book that date anyway, since we have their percussion guy as a hostage. Jon's gotta be there whether he's performing or not, since he is in the wedding. Heh.

I'm not going to be able to do everything I wanted to do to the hall, and I'll probably have to use the church's tablecloths instead of renting more festive ones. But maybe by enlisting more people, some good ideas will appear and we'll make the place look great.
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Sara: Here's to a fine 2003!

Oh, and Happy New Year! We're just about to leave for tonight's String Cheese Incident show. We're not pirates, though. I was all set to start making the costumes right before Christmas and then I realized that I was insane. Yeah, sure, Sara, you just do that. Put together really complex costumes during the week between Christmas and New Year's. Yup. Brilliant move, Ace. That will help your stress level.

So, no costumes and that is just fine.

Please remember this evidence that I can make intelligent, rational decisions. You may need to throw it back in my face at some point.

Happy New Year!!
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Monday, December 30, 2002

Sara: A cold and a very lonely hallelujah

Thanks for all the niceness, everyone, both in comments and in email. It helps, really.

I don't feel like going to work this morning, but I suppose the car will cheer me up once I get on the road.

Oh, and I'm extraordinarily hormonal at the moment and people should probably just stay out of my way. I am that unpleasant.

Several people have suggested doing a small private wedding on time and a reception later. This is a good idea in theory, but I can't do it. The big number one important thing to me is having the full-metal Episcopalian service, and that doesn't work in an empty church. The marriage service is supposed to be a promise made in front of our community, and they take on the task of supporting us in our marriage at the same time. There is a rite in the BCP for the blessing of a civil marriage, but it lacks some of the richness of the marriage ceremony.

So, it's all of it, or none of it. We have so many amazing people in our lives, and having as many of them as possible there with us is the point of all this. That's why we decided on the cheap heavy-munchies afternoon reception, so that we could lightly feed a crowd instead of seriously entertaining a few key people. The idea was to have something we could easily afford, so that saying, "y'all come, ok?" would not require a second thought, and I wouldn't have to look at the guest list and decide if this person or that person was worth spending $45 a plate. It was a super-fabulous plan and I am really pouting about it not working out.

Ok, gotta get out of here. Late.
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Sunday, December 29, 2002

Sara: Bridal Begging

We drove the green m&m to church today, and Dennis is as infatuated with it as I am.

I'm entirely blown away by the fact that people started offering to help us with the wedding after I posted that we're looking at putting it off until we're in better financial shape. Really, I'm speechless.

Here's what interferes with my ability to accept it:

from help us buy a wedding dot com:

On the following pages of this site, we hope to be able to give detailed information on our relationship and why we deserve your donations. So if you have not made up your mind to help us out yet, please read on and hopefully what you see on the following pages can prove to you that we deserve to have the wedding of our dreams.

I suppose it's good that they seem to have abandoned the site, after a flurry of activity in April. Honestly, I didn't see anything on there that proved that they deserved anything other than a sharp smack on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. Anyone who pulls out the phrase 'we deserve to have the wedding of our dreams' and then asks someone else to foot the bill needs a visit from Mr. Cluestick.

I blame Karyn.

I'm still trying to figure out if there's any way to reduce the cost of the wedding so we can do it in May. I would rather put it off than over-extend ourselves, though. After spending the past couple of days with my stomach in a solid knot over the car issue, I know I can't spend the next four months in that state. Nor do I want to have the kind of wedding where you can tell the bride spent four months in a state of distress over every dime.

I sometimes read message board posts from brides who plan to finance their weddings with cash gifts from the guests. One bride blithely described how she'd gotten overdraft protection on her checking account because she knew the checks she was giving her vendors were going to bounce if they were cashed before all the gifts were deposited. I know that if I were running a shell game like that, I'd be throwing up constantly the week before the wedding due to the stress of not knowing if I could cover the bills.

I guess what it comes down to is, we don't deserve the wedding of our dreams. I really would like to have that word removed from the language until we can all behave ourselves a little bit better. Dennis and I are not entitled to get married in May just because that's when we said we would, if we can't afford to pay the organist and buy beverages and stick stamps on the invitations. That stuff is all our responsibility. I've thought about seeing if I can get any of my small group of vendors to lower their fees/cut back on service, but even that smacks of bridezilla-dom. Like they should be willing to accept less money to be part of MY special day. It's that narcissism problem I mentioned a few weeks ago rearing its head again. Surely, the joy of being near MEeeeeEEE should offset my questionable behavior.

So, as you can see, I'm having a lot of internal conflict here.
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