Going Bridal
Bridezilla Confession Booth
bridal sins confessed

Cavalcade of Bad Bridal Fashion
bad photos & bad dresses

don't let your guests stiff you!

Wedding Planner (evil)
deeply bitter, but funny

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Shut Up, Bridezilla ecard
say it electronically

shut up about your fucking wedding
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greedy bride
Greedy Bride Store

wedding shoes

Martha Stuart's Excruciatingly Perfect Weddings
Best. Parody. Ever.





Saturday, February 15, 2003

Sara: shut up, bridezilla - the ecard!

Yesterday I linked to a very cool ecard, which, unfortunately, no longer works now that v-day is over. So, I blatantly ripped off the idea and made my own. Do you know someone who would enjoy receiving this? Send it!

I know I can't really control what happens with this, but try not to be out-and-out evil, ok? I don't need the hate mail. I get enough from people who don't get that BrideAudit™ is a joke.

I'm taking requests for additional titles. Perhaps a series of thank you notes with bad poetry...or maybe "thank you for the gift, but it was inadequate and you owe us another $50 according to your BrideAudit™ invoice."

I should do one with a bad cavalcade image, and "I've changed my mind. This is your new bridesmaid dress. That'll be $400, and I'll need it by Saturday."

There's another new site feature - you can subscribe to going bridal, and get an email everyday with snippets of the latest entries. It's free, and powered by bloglet, which is a pretty nifty service. If you subscribe to multiple sites, they'll combine it all into one email.
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Friday, February 14, 2003

Sara: More details

A few things have happened in the background.

My invitations arrived! Now I have to assemble them and start addressing envelopes. Lots and lots of envelopes.

I have a necklace! It's pictured here. It's by Michal Golan and I bought it on eBay. It's around 16" long, so the cross sits at the base of my throat. It is made of green crystals and warm-colored freshwater pearls and gold. I love it. I will wear it a lot after the wedding, I'm sure. I haven't decided what to do about earrings. There were matching ones, but the Rationalization Engine was in overdrive just on the necklace, so I didn't order them. I think I'll try to find pearl earrings in the right color.

I have shoes! But, wait, didn't I already have shoes? For months now? Um, yeah. But! Those were white shoes which would need to be dyed green (for around $20), since I decided to have a green skirt instead of a white one after I bought the shoes. I was in Ross and saw a pair of gold satin shoes on clearance - for $3.99! So I snapped them right up. They're even comfortable. [if anyone is interested in purchasing these Coloriffics shoes in a size 8, cheap, email me!]

My mom, the grandmother of the World's Cutest Flower Girls, has taken to her task of dress-buying with great enthusiasm. This is the dress she bought for Jadyn. MacKenzie's dress is similar, but it is mint green with a pink organza overlay. Both dresses are currently on their way to Michigan to get the girls' stamp of approval. If they want to wear them, then that's another task finished. Hopefully I'll get a photo of the girls in their dresses then.

We still have to find a top for Ryan to wear, and then something similar for Sarah, my Jr. Bridesmaid. Finding an a-line silk shantung skirt in her size has proven to be a challenge. I should really just make it myself. Oh, wait, my dress isn't finished yet. And I have pneumonia. Clearly I am deranged.

I cut my hair. It's above my shoulders now. I'm going to be redesigning my headpiece to work better with this new reality. Instead of the tiara, I'm going to get a long comb and build something on that, and wear it positioned sort of where a headband would be. I realize this makes absolutely no sense and will try to get a picture up soon.
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Sara: Just in time for v-day

Breakup Girl is online again! whoo hoo!

Also, I recommend these as the e-cards of choice. Especially the Stop Talking About Your Fucking Wedding one. Now be a doll and go send that to someone.
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Sara: Bad veils! Bad!

Yes, there is a quick update to the cavalcade of bad bridal fashion. This one is all about veils. Mostly some real peaches from the late 80s/early 90s, and a bonus Angry Bride pictoral. The photos are from the book "I Do" Veils - So Can You! (1996). I've heard the book is useful for help with making veils, but maybe it's not a really good style guide anymore.

Keep those bad bridal suggestions coming, folks! I only do advertising/editorial photos, though. I can't put up photos from real weddings. There's enough bad stuff out there without doing that. I haven't even snarked on the Reem Acra gold-leafed models yet.
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Sara: Freakish Ceremony Behavior

We're messing with a few things around the ceremony.

Basically, I want to avoid the whole Super-Magic-Princess vibe around the bride. One of the ways I plan to do this is by not staying in a holding pen before the ceremony. No Big Entrance. No 'ooooh, bride!' moment. Yeah, yeah, you already saw me...

We're having our photos done before the ceremony, and then we're planning to just stay outside the church together and greet everyone as they arrive. Once everyone is inside, we'll close the doors and run regroup with the wedding party, do a quick YAY WEDDING! cheer, and then start down the aisle. I haven't worked out the order; I guess I can just take the standard females-only entrance and slip the guys in there, since they won't be in their holding pen back in the sacristy.

I'm going to hold Dennis' hand the whole way. Ah! One more benefit of the prayer book bouquet - I can hold it with one hand.
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Thursday, February 13, 2003

Sara: Pneumatic

Looks like the bride probably has pneumonia. This would explain the general lack of breathing going on. Chest x-rays are so much fun.

Of course, she is posting this from work, so it's up to you to decide if she has learned anything from this experience. Or has started talking about herself in the third person.

(In her defense, she will only be here long enough to crank out the bulletin for Sunday. Then it's back home for 4 days of rest)
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Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Sara: For people who just don't like Valentine's day

One of my favorite companies, despair.com, has come up with Bittersweets. They look like your basic chalky conversation hearts, but they're not.


Includes six different flavors- Banana Chalk, Grape Dust, Citrucel, You-Call-This-Lime?, Pink Sand and Fossilized Rolaid.

They're like an MST3K Invention Exchange brought to life.

Hey, would this be a bad design for our thank you notes?

I predict a very sedate VD for me and Dennis. I'm -arrrrgh- still sick. This blows.
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Tuesday, February 11, 2003

Sara: Me. Me. Me.

I've gotten myself embroiled in an etiquette debate on one of the message boards, which has led to me making what I think is my final statement on how to be a bride and not a bridezilla:

The marriage and the party are two totally separate things. No one gets a Get Out Of Being Rude Free card just because they're in wuuuv and are wearing a big poofy dress and it's their Special Day. I think that's where all the problems come from - people thinking that they can do whatever they want because of some Bridal Magic that makes everything they do adorable and perfectly acceptable.

Wedding etiquette flame wars happen because etiquette is this weird thing that is only trotted out for weddings. We're trying to graft a set of rules we don't live by onto one Special Daaaay, which is why it feels a bit fake and off, and can be really frustrating.

It used to be that a wedding was a slightly amped-up version of the way you would entertain for any special event, so you already knew all the rules. For example, according to very traditional etiquette, response cards are not appropriate...guests should know enough to reply with a properly-formatted letter on their house stationery. Of course, actually relying on that these days equals a bride making frantic phone calls the week before the wedding, so we have response cards. I don't know if the most recent edition of Emily Post even covers the traditionally proper way to respond; I have the 1958 edition. In 1958, you either had a 'society' wedding and invited people who knew proper etiquette, or else you had punch in the church basement, and everyone invited knew what was expected there, too.

Now it seems like people don't know what is expected, and the Bridal-Industrial Complex is happy to step in and exploit that social anxiety. Modern weddings have their own set of etiquette which is a mishmash of traditional manners and whatever the BIC wants to sell us. (Has anyone else noticed how much stuff you're supposed to buy to have a "correct" wedding? You think that's a coincidence?)

As examples, we're given appalling displays of wealth at 'celebrity' weddings, and that, not good sense, is what people try to pattern their weddings on. Seriously, how far is the wedding you or your friends had/are having from your parents' wedding(s)? From your grandparents' weddings? How did this happen? Who decided that we should all have a catered dinner-dance reception? What made me, the child of a blue-collar worker, think that I deserved the big extravaganza that I had for wedding 1.0?

I'm using old etiquette books for reference for the most part for my wedding because the style of my reception has more in common with something from the 50s than it does with something more modern. I don't have vendors to manage, and am having a simple party that is in keeping with my modest social and financial status. There's not a lot about that in the bride books. There's not a lot about restraint and modesty in any form, actually.

It's been very difficult to get married in the same way that we choose to live. The pressure to do otherwise is very strong.
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Sara: It could be worse.

On the other hand, some American traditions aren't as bad as these.

In southern India, the Mysorian Lambadis did not allow males at the wedding ceremony, except for the Brahman priest. Even the groom was excluded.

Polynesians sometimes held sacrificial weddings. Matchmakers chose a young man and woman to marry. Immediately after the couple exchanged vows, villagers pulled out the legs from the nuptial canopy, killing the newlyweds in an avalanche of rocks and wooden debris. Even for Jennifer Lopez, that's a short marriage.
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Sunday, February 09, 2003

Sara: I watch you wake up with your hair in a mess...why don't we get married?

I'm listening to the mix CD we're going to use as favors. Dennis has been working for weeks to put it together. Among other things, we learned that Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan do not have any all-nice love songs. Always gotta throw in the dark stuff with those two. So, a couple of my favorite musicians aren't on the mix. But, there's some Cowboy Junkies, both Michael Nesmith solo AND the Monkees (stop smirking), Tom Waits, Beth Orton, and, of course, the song that made me want to have a wedding mix in the first place, Everyday Girl by Melony, which has a chorus of 'why don't we get married?' Back in the early days, Dennis gave me a mix with that song on it, and the disclaimer that it was NOT intended as a proposal. Snerk.
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