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bridal sins confessed

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bad photos & bad dresses

don't let your guests stiff you!

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deeply bitter, but funny

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Shut Up, Bridezilla ecard
say it electronically

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Greedy Bride Store

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Martha Stuart's Excruciatingly Perfect Weddings
Best. Parody. Ever.





Saturday, February 22, 2003

Sara: Yet another ecard, in even worse taste than the last one

Would you believe that around 1000 copies of the Shut Up, Bridezilla ecard were sent last week? I'm glad the joy is being shared.

Here's a new ecard to be sent BY the Bridezilla. You did all you could...you let the guests know what you were expecting by sending a BrideAudit™ invoice, you talked constantly about how much this weddingpalooza was costing you, and they still showed up with a paltry tribute to your brilliance.

How could they do that to you? Well, don't waste postage on these deadbeats, show them how little you care with an ecard! Send it!
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Friday, February 21, 2003

Sara: The Care and Feeding of Bridesmaids

Well, my post yesterday brought out some great comments.

Aside from not shrugging off every push-back from the bridesmaids as jealousy (she doesn't want to spend $400 on her dress? she's just jealous!) there are other things a bride can do to keep her friends from smiling through gritted teeth in the photos.

It all comes down to appreciation. If you make your friends feel appreciated throughout the process, they'll want to come through for you. The worst feeling is working your ass off for a bride who thinks she is entitled to all your labor because you're wearing a dress she picked out. I, fortunately, have never experienced this firsthand as a bridesmaid, but I've had similar experiences in other situations and it just blows.

Of course, some bridesmaids are less involved in things, but a lot of us depend on people, like my own fabulous Matron of Horror, to help with wedding-related stuff and keep us sane. I simply could not do this wedding without Ryan, and a slew of other non-bridesmaid people. So my life is all about gratitude right now.
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Sara: Bridesmaid Gifts

Gifts are, of course, part of the gratitude explosion. I can't talk about what I have planned, for obvious reasons. What do the rest of you have in mind?
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Sara: Your car wants one

See a bridezilla bumper sticker in action! Oh, and that is her real license plate, so she's my new personal hero. [get a bumpersticker]
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Thursday, February 20, 2003

Sara: Green eyes?

Have you ever noticed that, when a bride is having trouble with her servants bridesmaids, the most common reason cited is that they're just so jealous of her wonderful man and wonderful wedding and wonderful life?

I have a problem with this, because it's such a cop-out. It puts all the blame on the other girls, and doesn't require a bit of reflection or self-knowledge from the bride. I realize that sometimes jealousy really does cause problems, but I think most of the time blame placed on jealousy is misplaced. I'll accept it, but only after a thorough examination of the bride's own behavior. Which she may or may not have time for, given that she still has to pick out a garter and do these invitations make her look fat? I know you said they didn't last week, but now she's just not sure - they look like something a fat girl might send. Can you talk about it for another three hours? NO?!? Oh, you're just jealous of her, and you're trying to ruin her wedding!

Jealousy is such an easy answer. It lets you feel sorry for the other person, while re-affirming your own super-speshul-wonderfulness. I mean, who wouldn't be jealous of you? You're fabulous. The most fabulous bride ever, in fact. Why, they should be happy that you're letting them participate in such a grand event as your special day!
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Tuesday, February 18, 2003

Sara: Hello, Canada!

Alert reader Wendy tells me that Going Bridal was mentioned in an article about Bridezillas in the Vancouver Sun. It's not on their website yet, pout.
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Sara: Fundraising

I sold off some of my wedding books on Amazon, which was very easy and netted me a quick $30. They're off to a new home, and out of mine. Everyone wins.

I got rid of the flower arranging book and the catering book because I'm not doing my flowers now, and the catering your own wedding book was just lame. If I ever have to do wedding flowers again, I will re-buy the book, Creative Wedding Florals You Can Make, because everything is illustrated so well in it.

I'm on a real get-rid-of-stuff binge, which sucks because I'm not really healthy yet, and can't do much about it. But I think I will be doing some ebay listing this week. In particular, I have an Hermes scarf from another phase of my life that I just can't wear anymore, because I'm not that person anymore, and I feel like it's a neon sign flashing I PAID A LOT FOR THIS AND IT'S VERY IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT A LOSER. I'll put it on ebay and make some label whore on a budget happy.
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Sara: I swear I am not making this up

Dave Barry likes my ecard!
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Monday, February 17, 2003

Sara: headgear

Supremely gorgeous headpieces and veils of the can't-begin-to-afford-it variety: Ladyflower.

I bought a big comb at Lacis today when Dennis took me out for a field trip. I'm going to do a wire and bead thing with it. I want to find some freshwater pearls to go with my necklace, so maybe my reward for going back to work tomorrow will be a side trip to the bead store.
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Sunday, February 16, 2003

Sara: Howard be thy name

There is a fabulous new Anne Lamott piece up on Salon (enjoy it while it's here...)

Letting go is definitely not my strong suit. Neither is forgiveness. In fact, they're the two things I'm worst at. Why couldn't God's answer be, "Why don't you obsess endlessly about this? Then try to control this situation into a fare-thee-well, and be sure not to breathe at all, and try to manipulate everyone into doing things your way; and then stomp away and brood for awhile and then eat a big bag of Hershey's Kisses?"

I told the congregation that I know God is not an old man or woman in the sky, but possibly a drag queen-golden retriever mix. I also know that when I tell my terrible truth to someone, the air and sunlight gets in and somehow heals me. For the life of me I don't know how that works, but it does. It is the mystery of grace. I know when I was drunk and stoned and having tiny little boundary issues with men, sometimes several times a day, I staggered into a little church where I was no longer sure of one single thing, except that I was lost. The people were civil rights activists, and the music was beautiful, and that turned out to be enough.

After a year in that church, I started to call God "Jesus." I wish that this did not worry people so much. My friend Neshama calls God "Howard," as in "Our father/mother, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name," and this does not seem to worry people. When I was still afraid to call God Jesus, I called him my Higher Power, or for the sake of brevity, my old H.P. Then I started to think of Him as my old Hewlett-Packard, and that worked, and it worried people a lot less than this Jesus business.

I think she is so fabulous. I've been listening to her
Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith
audiobook in the car lately and it makes me so happy.
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