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Saturday, March 08, 2003

Sara: Progress! The chicken of tomorrow, today!

I made some good sewing progress today; details are in the sewing journal. My skirt is so pretty! I knew that a whole bunch of this green silk was going to be lovely, but I really wasn't prepared for the whole effect when I put on the skirt with the (somewhat deconstructed) bodice. I didn't take a photo because the skirt was being droopy due to not having a waistband yet. I know what it's going to look like, but not everyone has that level of imagination, and I'd hate for you all to be sitting there wondering if I'm aware that my pleats look like crap. I'll get some photos taken this week, though.

Man, I really have to lay off the Little Debbie until the wedding if I want to be able to breathe in my corset. I don't remember it being that tight. Eeek. Well, I'm starting Weight Watchers on Tuesday with one of my friends (she's picking me up and taking me to the meeting - does that make me codependent?) so hopefully that will help.

I got our invitation stamps - the Filmmaking series. I'm a little weirded out by the E.T. one (because, well, I'm weirded out by E.T.), but the rest are nifty. And rather appropriate for a girl who is marrying a movie geek.

If you missed the update I slipped onto the entry from a few days ago, Sarah loved the dress I found at Talbots, and it fits, so she's all set. Yay!
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Friday, March 07, 2003

Sara: Weekend Update

So, here's the plan for the next couple of days.

This evening, I have a makeover appointment at Sephora, to talk about my wedding makeup. I will emerge either looking like a streetwalker, or else looking good but suddenly poorer.

I cut out the pieces for my skirt at Ryan's on Wednesday. Her carpet really looked like it needed more bits of sage green silk, and it's so much easier to cut stuff out at her place. There's more space, and less Busy Kitty trying to be helpful. Clyde thinks that the crinkly pattern paper is the coolest thing ever, and she needs to be in the middle of it at all times. So, I can start putting the skirt together this weekend. I'm still angry with my bodice, so if I'm in a forgiving mood, I may work on it a bit, but if I get the skirt built this weekend, I will be happy.

We will also finish addressing the invitations, which are going out on Monday. Yay!

So, overall, this will be a pretty wedding-centric weekend. I do have a date with Dennis tomorrow afternoon, to go see Chicago. I'm looking forward to that. Popcorn and Sweetarts for lunch, oh yeah! Whenever we have a date, Dennis gets me a roll of Sweetarts beforehand, because he knows they're my favorite movie food, mixed into the popcorn. (be quiet. it's not your popcorn.) He does things like that all the time - he really pays attention to what makes me smile.
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Thursday, March 06, 2003

Sara: Co-Dependent My Ass

I've had a rough week. We had a horrible premarital counseling session on Tuesday. It was our first one together, after meeting with her individually for an hour each. Which isn't all that much time, really, once you get past the how-we-met small talk.

However, it is apparently enough time to decide that I am Co-Dependent, and to repeat it about a dozen times in the course of the session, and to insist that if I don't join a 12-step program for it immediately, and do tons of therapy, I will never be happy. Ever.

Look, I know I have Issues, and some of them are fairly chunky. Still, this felt like an intervention. It would have been totally appropriate if I had a teeny little heroin problem, or if I seemed like I might be an alcoholic. Her approach would have been justified then. But to apply that kind of pressure to a half-assed pop-psychology diagnosis was just too much for me to handle.

Dennis said that he noticed that everything on her bookshelf was about addiction/recovery/Women Who Love Too Much/Is That Lint in My Navel?, and he's betting that many of the authors have been guests on Oprah. So maybe we're not coming at this from the same place at all. The whole concept of Co-Dependency doesn't work with my worldview. I don't believe that people suck and are dangerous and will hurt me if I don't take massive steps to protect myself from them. I'm also not into blaming everything on the idea that my parents didn't nurture me properly. I'm all about getting away from a constant focus on me, me, me and getting my all-important needs met, which is the most boring topic imaginable. I'm almost 33 years old. Whatever happens at this point is my responsibility.

I went in totally prepared to talk about one of our Big Issues, which is that Sara will sometimes (ok, frequently) pour out a bit too much of herself on work and other projects so there isn't much left for Dennis. I've written about that one here before. We've been working on it on our own and I would have liked some help with that. Except we couldn't talk about it without it being just a symptom of my fucking Co-Dependency.

Not that any of this really came out in the meeting. I didn't push back at all. I pretty much shut down, because this person is a priest and has papers on her walls that say she is a marriage counselor and knows what she's talking about and obviously I must really be on the verge of a total breakdown if she says I am. I went in there totally expecting to talk about the things that we've zeroed in on as problems in our relationship, and instead I felt completely attacked and just couldn't stop crying.

Dennis came out pretty good in all this - I am clearly the Problem Partner here. I half expected her to say that she knew a really nice girl that he would like better. Well, except she thinks he isn't honest with me, which is sort of understandable what with dealing with this Co-Dependent harpy in his house. I really should have just had on a little devil suit to get the full effect.

Of course Dennis and I talked about it in the car afterwards and started to deconstruct what she said, to find the rich gooey bullshit center in a lot of it. The thing is, I was actually looking forward to the counseling. I really liked her after our first meeting, and I diligently did the self-assessment activities she assigned to me (but not, interestingly, to Dennis when he met with her two weeks later). I was interested in discussing what I'd learned. So I'm really pissed off and disappointed and frustrated by the whole experience.
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Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Sara: Life post-wedding

I think we've decided to go to Santa Cruz after the wedding, and then leave for southern CA after a nice breakfast at Zachary's the next morning. Mmmmmmpotatoes.

There are people staying at our place that night, so we decided the thing to do is get out of town. This will also get me away from the computer, since I'm forced to admit that I would be tempted to post a recap of the wedding that evening.
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Sara: Dress Score!

I think I may have found Sarah's jr. bridesmaid dress last night. On a whim, I stopped off at the Talbot's outlet on my way home last night. I found a skirt and sweater there on the clearance rack. The skirt is blue taffeta with a net overlay, and beading on the hem of the net. It's ankle length, I think. The silk sweater is the same blue, with cap sleeves, and more beading around the round neckline. It's beautiful! It's sparkly! It's non-hoochie! The 2 pieces together were $50!

It's also fully returnable if Sarah just hates it. [fingers crossed that she does not hate it and it fits]

UPDATE 3/7 - She loves it! It fits! Whew! One more thing out of the way...
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Sunday, March 02, 2003

Sara: I swear I am not making this up, part II

Dave Barry takes on weddings today (ah, so that's what he was doing over here - research?)

Can anything be done to halt this craziness? Yes. Alert reader Lori Rispoli has come up with a brilliant solution:

''Have you ever wondered,'' she writes, ``why it takes a bride months and months to plan a wedding, but a good funeral can be pulled together in two days? The elements are all the same -- church, minister, music, flowers, guests, food.'':

Lori is absolutely right. What we need is a law prohibiting brides from planning their weddings more than, say, a week in advance. A bride caught violating this law would be subject to severe punishment, such as being forced to walk down the aisle to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff.

And now you will have I Shot the Sheriff in your head all day. I've recently discovered that the Germans call this an earworm. Earworm.
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Sara: Ouch! Hey! No throwing the atlas!

I'm having a shower! Ryan is throwing me a book shower. It sounds painful until you know they won't be throwing actual books at me. Or so she says.

I've been saying all along that I didn't want a shower, since this is my second wedding and I really don't want to be a greedzilla, but this totally works for me. It's not like people have to spend a lot of money - or any, really, since they can pass along a favorite from their own shelves. And the conversation should be fun as each person explains why they picked that book. I'm really looking forward to it.
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