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Friday, March 14, 2003

Sara: Update II: I have lost the gift of nomenclature

Yesterday, I sent out a big spam email to everyone who might have been wondering where their invitation was. I'm recycling it here because it pretty much says everything:

Dennis and I have called off the wedding. I really like the phrase 'called off' here because it evokes a large, somewhat crazed dog that's about to do something destructive and has to be stopped. Which is also a good description of what the wedding had turned into for us. Bad dog.

We had a very long talk Tuesday night, much crying on both sides, and decided that this big Thing of a wedding was really damaging the relationship. I've had no time for him for months now, largely because of all my wedding projects, and I've been sort of difficult about the whole process, with anxiety levels well into the red zone. I can't believe I let a big party displace Dennis in my priorities, but I did. So the big party has to go.

I was upset about this for roughly ten hours. Since then, it's been completely obvious that this is the smartest decision we've ever made. We're going to take some time to try to repair all the damage that has been done over the past few months, and then decide what to do about getting married. I love the Dennis so much, and I am so grateful that I had the chance to head off what was rapidly becoming a disaster for us.

So, that's where we are. I am still completely convinced that this was the right thing to do. Everyone has been wonderful. I haven't been able to answer all the nice email I've gotten this week, but I really appreciate all the kind words.

I will keep Going Bridal going, although I may not post as often.
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Thursday, March 13, 2003

Sara: Update

Thanks for all the niceness.

Within 24 hours of making this decision, it was entirely clear that it was the right one. That big Thing that was weighing us down is gone, and now I'm just here with this really amazing Dennis that I'd forgotten all about. I'm really looking forward to spending time with him.
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Wednesday, March 12, 2003

Sara: When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?

Ok, so Dennis has pointed out that I sort of owe the planet more of an explanation than I gave last night.

After a lot of gut-wrenching work, we realized that a lot of things have gone wrong with our relationship since I moved in, and that going ahead with the wedding right now would be fifteen kinds of wrong.

We're talking about the Truth all month at church (why must they always hit me with stuff I don't want to think about?) and my truth is this: I've been a really shitty partner to Dennis. Did you know that he never wanted a humungo church wedding with a ton of people? Well, I did, and I barreled right ahead with what I wanted. Which is why, if we ever manage to put this particular egghead back together again, we won't be having the same wedding. I'm even going to let him pick if it's Elvis, pirates, or Klingons.

That's way down the road, though. I have a lot of work to do first.

Do you have any idea how horrible it is to think that I've grown and that I'm doing a much better job handling my life and my relationships, and then to suddenly realize that it's just Not True? I'm still doing the same stupid, destructive shit, and not even realizing it. I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself. My first response to this is to go live in the woods and eat worms. Of course, those of you who have been following me since the beginning are remembering my Bonnaroo experience and wanting to remind me of the very high priority I place on indoor plumbing. So the worms idea has its own drawbacks.

I have no idea how to move forward from here, though. I'm skipping work today, because I just can't face people.
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Monday, March 10, 2003

Sara: Why today pretty much sucked

My beautiful beetle got hit by a piece of highway debris this morning, and has a big ugly patch of paint damage on the bumper and the passenger side. Honestly, seeing a pipe or whatever it was come flying up at you is not a pleasant experience. I'm lucky it only hit where it did, and didn't take out a headlight or the windshield or something. It also didn't hurt my turn signal, which I just replaced last week. By myself, I might add. I felt so butch. Sure, it was only a matter of removing one screw, popping in the new part, and putting in a new bulb, but it was still rather satisfying. Bought the new one on eBay - surprisingly good source for beetle parts, even the new model.

Then I got to work and discovered that I had my underwear on incorrectly. My waist was in a leg-hole. Do they have to put instructions on these things for people like me?

I spent the rest of the day being snippy with Dennis, and whining about my car a lot, and generally being a pain in the ass. Who wouldn't love to be around me?

Things got better when I got to Ryan's house and we opened a bottle of wine and I started to relax a bit. My friends rock. I did not, however, get the rest of the invitations addressed, so I guess that's another delay. I just want to get them out before the end of the week.
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Sunday, March 09, 2003

Sara: Funny, I don't feel especially oppressed.

There's a new essay up at IndieBride about how demeaning the word Bridezilla is: The B-Word.

I'm not saying I agree with it, or that her point is well-supported, but I wonder if it's the beginning of the Bridezilla Backlash.

I do disagree with her describing the Going Bridal logo bride, who appears on some of my bridezilla t-shirts, as surly. Surly? She's downright perky.
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